No easy way.

She still remembers being on the same level as him, even if one of them took one or two steps further at once the other always found a way to catch up. They cherished and loved one another.
She was a go getter, he was more of a philosopher. She taught him how to climb the stairs of life and when he was lazy she allowed him to take the elevator. He taught her how to be more positive and when she was lazy he allowed her to pretend.
She knew he only took the elevator , he knew she only pretended.
One day they didn't speak the same language. " Can you help me with this?" -he said. " O que?" -she answered. "Quelle langue parlez-vous?" he asked."Yo no te entiendo" she yelled. They screamed at each other for days not only because they didn't understand each other, but because they didn't understand themselves. One morning they woke up and their voices were gone, they made an effort and cleared their throats but not even one sound came out. He took the elevator down and left her , now she didn't have to pretend she was positive, she could just cry her heart out and be depressed ...instead she went up and down the stairs a thousand times until her heart was racing and it felt like it was gonna come out of her rib cage. She finally stopped , she put her right hand on the left side of her chest and felt her heart thumping like never before which meant she was still Alive. She never had to pretend again, being alive was positive enough.

Beyond

An Artist at his Loft, with a gigantic white canvas in front of him. All kinds of paint,brushes,diluent are waiting to become something. He picks a thin brush and dips it on the red paint , takes a thicker one,dives it on the white paint and moves it back and forth ,up and down on the Canvas. The music starts playing , he smiles because he knows that she turned on the radio so he could be more inspired.
From a distance she sees him moving as if he was making love with that painting, it was the only time he was allowed to "cheat" on her, Art was his other woman and it was a "woman" she loved too. Two hours go by she brings him some food but he wasn't there, he "left to buy more paint"- said the note on the table. But the canvas was empty...she was puzzled and wondered what happened "He's been at it for a couple of hours now, how come the canvas is still like this?" she left the room and turned off the radio, layed in the bed they shared held his white pillow and fell asleep.
She woke up hours later with the sound of music coming from the living room, she tip toed around until she saw his silhouette moving in the shadow."He must be painting now..." -she left him alone that night and went to the rooftop to gaze at the stars. Sparkling stars against a dark sky, summer hot breeze against her pale skin..."mmmm,this feels good" she layed on the hammock and tried to count every star in the sky, she loved to just stare at the sky and let her imagination flow. When he came looking for her,the Sun was already up high in the sky. "Baby?" -she slowly opened her eyes and smiled at him "It's finally dry and ready for you".
They ran downstairs ,antecipation was growing with every step,when she got downstairs the canvas was still empty and all she saw laying around was white paint spots on the floor.
-"Where is it?"
-"What do you mean? It's right in front of you!"
-"All I see is a canvas!"
-"Close your eyes..."
-Now,I don't see anything."- she jokingly said.
He stood right behind her and took the lead of her hands.
-"Touch it"
As she began touching, up and down,left and right,in every possible direction tears streamed down her cheecks and she smiled. He whispered on her ear:
-"There are some things you can't see, you can only feel..."

From Here to There

There's a ROAD, a very wide road and you're only allowed to walk on the RIGHT side of it totally barefoot. These are the RULES if you want to have access to the Promised Land. When you're starved you are only allowed to eat SEEDS ,even if you see a plate full of APPLES, figs ,grapes and pomegranates -these are the original FORBIDDEN FRUITS to many religions and you CAN'T touch it. If you're thirsty your thirst can only be quenched with Holy water, to clean your SOUL of all SINS that you may have of thought of doing. If you can't breathe no medicine will help you, you have to look within and find the strength to regulate your system ,and trust me you will only FIND it on the last second when you're already turning BLUE with the desire of feeling the oxygen.

Desperate times call for desperate measures , forbidden ruit calls for self control. The more you deny it,the more you WILL crave it. Handicap your soul , punish it ,enrage yourself , deny your being ALL Earthly DESIRES , forget that you exist, forget that they exist , become the Devil ,become GOD , become everything , STOP breathing! So that you can start it all OVER again...and this TIME you will walk on the left side of that Road...

(image by Alex Grey)

Don't Press it.

You know how some people live as if they were going to live forever? The carelessness with which they treat others, the "I'm going to be young and handsome forever" mojo , the "I will do it tomorrow,next week,next month,next year" people...Oh God! A part of me envies them because I do not know how to do it. But there's something I know that I'm sure that they haven't realized yet: LIFE DOESN'T HAVE A REWIND BUTTON! It freaks me out how fast times are going ,and looking back at pictures from when I was a child has a bittersweet taste. Those days are FOREVER gone, I even miss the times when I was a rebelious teenager just because life taught me that way. Gosh! In honest truth I miss yesterday but I know that I won't have that back EVER. So I try to do the best I know everyday, I try to make each day count, I try to tell my brothers and sisters everyday how much I love them, I try to FEEL as much as I can, I try to compliment the people I know...complaining is much easier, no doubt but in the end of the Day what do we do to change ourselves let alone others.
Life is tough as Hell, but we all make part of this World. We're still here! There's still hope, and hopefully : There will be a Tomorrow, after that? Who knows...

And?...Nothing...

2.14 am she looked for it everywhere : out of the house ,in stores, in the fridge, in the bathroom ,in the oven,on the dancefloor, and? nothing.

She remembered exactly how it felt...how it rushed through her veins, how it made her legs shake ,how it made her guts turn...and? nothing.

"FUCK!"-she yelled, "If only I could remember what it's called and where I left it." She recognized she was going through WITHDRAWL ,and it wasn't a good feeling. Went to bed, tried to sleep but couldn't stop reminiscing about it...and? nothing.

The next morning she woke up with it on her nightstand, since she didn't know how long it would be there for ,she took full advantage of it : she laughed,cried, felt it and Heaven knows how good it was. "Gosh,it's raining so much! Let me go to the window and check it out"- she loved a good storm, you could see the lightning reflection in her face she smiled and turned back...and ? nothing. It wasn't there anymore. "Damn it!!! why does this keep happening to me?"- again she could feel the angst and anger building up , her body and soul craved for more. She wondered how could she feel like that over it, specially when words couldn't describe it.

She played Jazz for a week ,sang away the Blues ,tried to reach for it way deep inside but it wasn't there.

Then one night out of the blue it came back, she tried to resist it because finally she felt strong and in control, but then again she wasn't sleepy...and? nothing.

Head First...

He took a dive on muddy freezing water ,and it was the best sensation ever....compared to the pain of his life this was actually refreshing. He saw them come and go, he saw them come and conquer the World, he saw them come and living the life he always wanted. He couldn't fight like them because he didn't have the same tools. The day that God armed them with right instruments he couldn't make it on time, so when he finally got there, God was gone and he was thrown to the Lions and had to fend for himself...still he had a good Heart which was divided between two worlds. The World of Black and White and the World of Colors a.k.a past and present. He was addicted to dwelling on the past, living there was so painful but he couldn't release himself... the present was unknown and unconfortable,each day that went by felt like a hundred years the same as the previous one, he was stuck and with nowhere to go life wise, so...he took a dive on the muddy freezing waters of the present and had the best sensation ever, he felt Alive.

Air

It's eating me Alive, fuck! It goes from my heart to my being. It devours everything it finds in its way...It twists my freaking emotions, it makes me go from sweet to sour to rotten. It makes me want to kill somebody, it makes me want to cut off everybody from my life, it turns me into a Monster even monsters would be afraid of.
I hear those sounds! No, I don't want to hear it again! Its the sound of my Soul crashing, reaching it's melting point. My so-called friends suffocate me, my beliefs suffocate me, my religion suffocates me, smiley faces suffocate me, don't cross my limit only i'm allowed to...when Life suffocates me, I will die.