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WARNING: You'll probably see many contradictions here...that's just me being me!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Is it possible?
After months and months of roaming around,getting a new brain,a new wardrobe,multiple hairstyles, a new smile, new Soul,she came front to front with those sad eyes...she had seen them before,many,many times actually,but this time something is different.She is different.
Before,when she tried to look in those eyes,all she saw was the pain she went through,all the bad moments,all the rage,bitterness,jealousy,mostly negativity...but that was then...Now, she sees the pain she created,a lost Soul,a wandering person and most of all someone who didn't change.
She asked me "Is it possible to be back at square one?" I didn't know what to say to her. Everything is possible in this Life...impossible is nothing. "What's square one?" - I asked her. "WHAT'S SQUARE ONE???" -she yelled,"SQUARE ONE IS THIS SHITTY FEELING I HAVE,IT'S ....IT'S THIS HOLE IN MY SOUL,IT'S THIS ..."she started crying and lowering her voice "...it's this ,this pain I have in my heart when I look in those sad eyes." She surprised me...is it possible that she finally understood I suffered too?
He looks shocked,is this good or bad? "Don't you have anything to say?"-I angrily ask him! "First off all,STOP CRYING! I ABSOLUTELY HATE TO SEE YOU LIKE THAT,AND YOU KNOW IT!" Wow...it's been a while since he spoke so passionately to me,wait he looks distraught now, oh shit he just punched the wall and his fist is bleeding..."There's not a lot to say...I'm sorry.I believe we said it all."-he tells me in a cold tone."But there are still so many things that can be said and many new realities to create,aren't you curious after all this time?...WAIT!WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I'M TALKING TO YOU!DON'T LEAVE ME HERE AGAIN!WAIT!!!" -I yelled and yelled but nothing stopped him from walking away and leaving me here, talking to myself.
He headed North that night,only there he could find the peace he needed to restore his Soul and try to figure out why it took her that long to admit she was wrong too.She stayed exactly where she was,when in pain she couldn't move and she could barely breathe,so she remained exactly where he left her,thinking how could she have been so blind to not see he was Human too.
Should I call her? Should I walk away from him? Does she still love me? Will he ever forgive me? Why did I yell at her? Could I have loved him more? I miss her smile. I miss his silly laugh. It would never be the same. Change can be good. Would she be able to forget? I want a new beggining! Is this love? I don't want to take risks. I like being alone but I miss her. I love my life as it is,but with him...
They had all these questions in their minds,but life kept going, the clock kept ticking, the Sun kept Rising,and one day they became total strangers...NO.It was not that simple. They never became total strangers, they loved each other like there was no tomorrow, but they never had a chance to tell each other...guess why? Because there was no such thing as tomorrow, Life was and is Today...but it was/is a little to late for them.