Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Beyond


An Artist at his Loft, with a gigantic white canvas in front of him. All kinds of paint,brushes,diluent are waiting to become something. He picks a thin brush and dips it on the red paint , takes a thicker one,dives it on the white paint and moves it back and forth ,up and down on the Canvas. The music starts playing , he smiles because he knows that she turned on the radio so he could be more inspired.
From a distance she sees him moving as if he was making love with that painting, it was the only time he was allowed to "cheat" on her, Art was his other woman and it was a "woman" she loved too. Two hours go by she brings him some food but he wasn't there, he "left to buy more paint"- said the note on the table. But the canvas was empty...she was puzzled and wondered what happened "He's been at it for a couple of hours now, how come the canvas is still like this?" she left the room and turned off the radio, layed in the bed they shared held his white pillow and fell asleep.
She woke up hours later with the sound of music coming from the living room, she tip toed around until she saw his silhouette moving in the shadow."He must be painting now..." -she left him alone that night and went to the rooftop to gaze at the stars. Sparkling stars against a dark sky, summer hot breeze against her pale skin..."mmmm,this feels good" she layed on the hammock and tried to count every star in the sky, she loved to just stare at the sky and let her imagination flow. When he came looking for her,the Sun was already up high in the sky. "Baby?" -she slowly opened her eyes and smiled at him "It's finally dry and ready for you".
They ran downstairs ,antecipation was growing with every step,when she got downstairs the canvas was still empty and all she saw laying around was white paint spots on the floor.
-"Where is it?"
-"What do you mean? It's right in front of you!"
-"All I see is a canvas!"
-"Close your eyes..."
-Now,I don't see anything."- she jokingly said.
He stood right behind her and took the lead of her hands.
-"Touch it"
As she began touching, up and down,left and right,in every possible direction tears streamed down her cheecks and she smiled. He whispered on her ear:
-"There are some things you can't see, you can only feel..."

Monday, December 27, 2010

From Here to There


There's a ROAD, a very wide road and you're only allowed to walk on the RIGHT side of it totally barefoot. These are the RULES if you want to have access to the Promised Land. When you're starved you are only allowed to eat SEEDS ,even if you see a plate full of APPLES, figs ,grapes and pomegranates -these are the original FORBIDDEN FRUITS to many religions and you CAN'T touch it. If you're thirsty your thirst can only be quenched with Holy water, to clean your SOUL of all SINS that you may have of thought of doing. If you can't breathe no medicine will help you, you have to look within and find the strength to regulate your system ,and trust me you will only FIND it on the last second when you're already turning BLUE with the desire of feeling the oxygen.

Desperate times call for desperate measures , forbidden ruit calls for self control. The more you deny it,the more you WILL crave it. Handicap your soul , punish it ,enrage yourself , deny your being ALL Earthly DESIRES , forget that you exist, forget that they exist , become the Devil ,become GOD , become everything , STOP breathing! So that you can start it all OVER again...and this TIME you will walk on the left side of that Road...

(image by Alex Grey)

Don't Press it.

You know how some people live as if they were going to live forever? The carelessness with which they treat others, the "I'm going to be young and handsome forever" mojo , the "I will do it tomorrow,next week,next month,next year" people...Oh God! A part of me envies them because I do not know how to do it. But there's something I know that I'm sure that they haven't realized yet: LIFE DOESN'T HAVE A REWIND BUTTON! It freaks me out how fast times are going ,and looking back at pictures from when I was a child has a bittersweet taste. Those days are FOREVER gone, I even miss the times when I was a rebelious teenager just because life taught me that way. Gosh! In honest truth I miss yesterday but I know that I won't have that back EVER. So I try to do the best I know everyday, I try to make each day count, I try to tell my brothers and sisters everyday how much I love them, I try to FEEL as much as I can, I try to compliment the people I know...complaining is much easier, no doubt but in the end of the Day what do we do to change ourselves let alone others.
Life is tough as Hell, but we all make part of this World. We're still here! There's still hope, and hopefully : There will be a Tomorrow, after that? Who knows...

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

And?...Nothing...

2.14 am she looked for it everywhere : out of the house ,in stores, in the fridge, in the bathroom ,in the oven,on the dancefloor, and? nothing.

She remembered exactly how it felt...how it rushed through her veins, how it made her legs shake ,how it made her guts turn...and? nothing.

"FUCK!"-she yelled, "If only I could remember what it's called and where I left it." She recognized she was going through WITHDRAWL ,and it wasn't a good feeling. Went to bed, tried to sleep but couldn't stop reminiscing about it...and? nothing.

The next morning she woke up with it on her nightstand, since she didn't know how long it would be there for ,she took full advantage of it : she laughed,cried, felt it and Heaven knows how good it was. "Gosh,it's raining so much! Let me go to the window and check it out"- she loved a good storm, you could see the lightning reflection in her face she smiled and turned back...and ? nothing. It wasn't there anymore. "Damn it!!! why does this keep happening to me?"- again she could feel the angst and anger building up , her body and soul craved for more. She wondered how could she feel like that over it, specially when words couldn't describe it.

She played Jazz for a week ,sang away the Blues ,tried to reach for it way deep inside but it wasn't there.

Then one night out of the blue it came back, she tried to resist it because finally she felt strong and in control, but then again she wasn't sleepy...and? nothing.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Head First...


He took a dive on muddy freezing water ,and it was the best sensation ever....compared to the pain of his life this was actually refreshing. He saw them come and go, he saw them come and conquer the World, he saw them come and living the life he always wanted. He couldn't fight like them because he didn't have the same tools. The day that God armed them with right instruments he couldn't make it on time, so when he finally got there, God was gone and he was thrown to the Lions and had to fend for himself...still he had a good Heart which was divided between two worlds. The World of Black and White and the World of Colors a.k.a past and present. He was addicted to dwelling on the past, living there was so painful but he couldn't release himself... the present was unknown and unconfortable,each day that went by felt like a hundred years the same as the previous one, he was stuck and with nowhere to go life wise, so...he took a dive on the muddy freezing waters of the present and had the best sensation ever, he felt Alive.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Air

It's eating me Alive, fuck! It goes from my heart to my being. It devours everything it finds in its way...It twists my freaking emotions, it makes me go from sweet to sour to rotten. It makes me want to kill somebody, it makes me want to cut off everybody from my life, it turns me into a Monster even monsters would be afraid of.
I hear those sounds! No, I don't want to hear it again! Its the sound of my Soul crashing, reaching it's melting point. My so-called friends suffocate me, my beliefs suffocate me, my religion suffocates me, smiley faces suffocate me, don't cross my limit only i'm allowed to...when Life suffocates me, I will die.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Alone


I was born alone, all she had to do was to push me out with a lot of incentive from the nurses and doctors, otherwise she might as well be oblivious to the fact that I wanted to come out, keep me inside of her until I was roten and her organism would expel me with the same ease.
I held myself by the hand, I pat myself on the back whenever I felt I deserved it, I slapped myself with so much strength that most times it shook my brain.
I taught myself how to read ,and write, the basics of life.
I lost my virginity with myself because no one was good enough, I laughed at my own jokes, I cried myself to sleep sometimes, and woke up with swollen eyes.
I looked at myself in the mirror and all I saw was me,still standing and ready to face another day that might be the last.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Knock,knock...I'm here.

My dear Little Girl...

I hope you are feeling better since we last spoke...how long go was that?Too long I would say.
I've always hated to see you down and not focused on yourself,you have so much to offer the World,you just lose so much time focusing in little things that don't matter for your present let alone for your brilliant future.
How dare you comparing yourself to those creeps,to those vampires,to those airheads,they think so high of themselves,it's ludacris! Their name doesn't deserve to be in the same sentence as yours,and when it does,you are the one saying it!They have value in their own lives,let them be!Shit attracts shit,you know that!
Let them all eat from the same plate,that's the only way they know how to live!Let their bellies be full,let their thirst be drenched by each others blood,let them stab themselves in the back with the sharpest knife,let them kill each other softly or hardly,as they wish,they will vanish,they will soon become used and vulgar,they will become another grain of sand in the desert...but guess what?Not you little girl!You warned them,you tried to help them...how dare you trying to help them after they spat in your soul? How dare you my dear little girl?How dare you? Can't you see your own Light? Can't you see what shines through?
Please stop pretending you care for them,stop pretending you actually give a fuck...you don't....you couldn't care less...stop trying to keep your so called enemies closer!Fuck that! you don't need enemies,you're too precious for that!Surrond yourself with people who love you for who you are,not for what you do,those fakers! I see them,you do too!
Take off those Pink Sunglasses,you look ridiculous in them,lose Faith!LOSE ALL THE FAITH IN THEM!That's the only way you'll become Raw again,and you'll start from zero to one,to two ,and so on...they are the way they are,they won't change,stop listening to their bulshit and procrastination...yours should be enough!
Little girl,my dear little girl...your plate is full in this table for one,one can be a crowd,when One is You.
One most of the times is Enough...even when you're surronded by people you are able to feel alone,if the people who surrond you is Them! Let those Demons go!
Little girl,how many times have you cried yourself to sleep because They hurted you so deeply and so shamelessly...do you think they deserve your tears? Never...The only thing they deserve from you is your Sad Compassion....they are Mentaly Crippled,forever.....there's no cure and no hope.
Everytime I see you cry because of them I say a prayer for their souls,because their Karma is becoming so heavy and they are dragging yours along,so DON'T LET THEM WIN! You are so much more than that! Wake Up,Rise Up,Take Action,Be Happy...Because in the End that's all you want to be...Little girl...my sweet little girl...

I love you.

Truly yours,me...

Monday, June 21, 2010

The Glass Elevator


"SHE was in a glass elevator,SHE had built it herself with HER own hands.SHE did it because SHE wanted to be taken as High as Love once allowed HER to.
SHE filled the glass elevator with flowers,love letters(the posessions she prized the most) from past lovers who knew HER well enough to give HER what SHE most loved...SHE also put some stars,a rainbow,light and courage inside...And away SHE wanted to go.SHE pressed the buttoN that said NIRVANA,but the elevator didn't move and a sign that said "TOO HEAVY" turned on.SHE looked around to see if someone could help HER,but no one came. SHE sat outside the elevator,and heard an old woman cry,SHE imediately rushed to her side and asked what was wrong? The old woman told HER why she was feeling so sad;she missed her deceased husband who passed away the previous year,he was her life companion,and that she never went to the cemetery to take him flowers and talk to him,so the GIRL went back to the elevator got the flowers gave it to the old woman and said:"Today is the Day!" The old woman SMILED at HER,and got on her way to the cemetery.
Next thing SHE knew,SHE had a little boy next to her,SHE asked him his name,he said "John,can you please help me build a paper plane so I can fly home to my parents?" SHE loved his boldness,and decided to help him, "Do you have paper?" -SHE asked."No,but I saw tons of it in a glass elevator!"-he replied."My love letters....Can I part ways with it?"-SHE thought. After looking at John's sweet face,SHE didn't hesitate anymore. Thet glued every single one of the letters together,and built a GIGANTIC paper plane, John gave HER a big HUG, hopped on the plane and flew away...SHE felt that a big part of HER past was going with him,but this wasn't a bad thing.
SHE looked at the elevator from a distance and there was a young woman looking inside,SHE ran there and asked her if she was lost. The young woman coldly answered "Is it that obvious? I'm extremely poor and my family needs my support" ;so OUR FRIEND got the rainbow from the elevator,threw it in the sky and told the young woman "In the end of every rainbow there's a pot of gold,chase this rainbow!" The young woman expressed extreme GRATITUDE and ran away.
SHE walked back to the elevator,pressed NIRVANA ,and the "TOO HEAVY" sign turned on again. Since SHE only had stars, courage and Light inside of it, SHE decided to get rid of the Stars, but when SHE walked outside there was a young man sitting on the ground. SHE asked if he needed help,he quickly answered :"Are you a talent agent?" she replied:"No...why?",and he said: "Because I know I have talent but I feel that I'm stuck in this place..." SHE looked at her hands and saw what SHE was carrying,SHE let go of it and the Stars slowly started taking their place in the sky. SHE put HER hand in his shoulder,told him to look up and kindly said :"Always aim for the Stars my brother." He got up,KISSED HER in the forehead and took off.
Now SHE was left with Light and courage,soon SHE would be able to press NIRVANA and go as HIGH as SHE could...but there was something bothering HER...SHE felt...hmmmm...what was that feeling? SHE felt....observed!
SHE looked around and saw someone looking at HER from the top of a Mountain.He waved...and SHE waved back,he screamed :"COME UP!!!" and SHE said "NO!YOU COME DOWN!",he screamed back : "I'M SCARED!"; so SHE instantly thought about giving him the Courage SHE had stored in HER elevator.SHE grabbed it,and started climbing the Mountain,it was in fact a very hard Mountain to climb,but she had a mission and was adventurous. When SHE got up there he smiled shyly and offered HER some tea. He then proceded to ask HER,what was a girl doing in the middle of nowhere,giving flowers away,building paper planes,throwing rainbows and stars in the sky...SHE explained to him the point of HER glass elevator,how badly she wanted to go to "that NIRVANA place" and the Joy and High SHE got from helping these people,"Well,isn't that NIRVANA?what you're feeling right now..."-he asked. SHE got pensive...and decided to answer with another question "What is a man like you scared of?" He turned away from her,looked down and said :"I'm a loner,I don't fit in with people,I've lived in my own world for many years,no one seems appealing to me...","That's not what I asked!I asked what are you afraid of." He looked HER in the eyes and said :"I'm scared to tell the woman of my dreams that I love her". SHE felt bad for him,handed him the Courage and said :"Today is the Day",turned away and started heading down. When SHE was midway,he yelled from the top "HEY!" she looked up and he said:"I APPRECIATE what you do for others." SHE smiled and kept going down the Mountain,when SHE was close to the the elevator she thought about the SMILE from the old woman,the HUG from the little boy,the GRATITUDE from the young woman,the KISS from the young man and the APPRECIATION from theat misterious guy...could he be right?Was that NIRVANA? She got on the elevator,looked around and there was only Light left,SHE swallowed it so HER inner Light always shinned through,closed HER eyes thought about HER day,and just when SHE was ready to press "NIRVANA",SHE heard a knock on the glass door...she looked out and saw the Misterious man,he mouthed the words: " I LOVE YOU,STAY WITH ME"..."

THE END OR THE BEGGINING? =)

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Here...


The saying : "PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT " -was stuck in her head, because she finally mastered the Art of Leaving.
No Fuss,No Muss,No Tears, No Fears. Just a clean dry departure.
Hotel, talk on the phone,say hi,say bye, look at him/you,hug her until she falls asleep.
Morning Time, get in the car,check out,check in, kiss you,hug you, miss you, take my heart in your pocket, looking back, she sees your eyes, give each other a sign...walk away.
In the plane, sleep ,read, off the plane,in the cab,get the home keys, stairs, she suffers by antecipation with the thought of an empty house...
Open the door, closed her eyes and all of a sudden...NOTHING! It didn't hurt, she opened her eyes and her house was full! Full of adventures to be lived, full of stories to be told!
She smiled and closed the "door" behind her.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

wait/hope/back/gone


-I'm tired of waiting.

-I never asked you to.

-I know.Have you heard of hope?

-Yes,but I never gave you hope either.

-I know...so I guess I'll get going.

-You'll be back...you always come back.

-I never told you I would be back.

-I know,but you always do.

-Hmmmm...well I guess you'll have to wait and hope that I do this time.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

EGO


Ego...three letter word,with a HUGE impact in our personal Worlds.

Ego -1.The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves.

2.In psychoanalysis, the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality.
3.a.An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.
b.Appropriate pride in oneself; self-esteem.

According to definition number 1, our Ego is what differentiates us from the rest of the World and from each other,it's essencialy "being".
Definition number 2 pretty much explains itself,now let's go to the most interesting one,ladies and gentleman here's definition numero trois!!!

"An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.Appropriate pride in oneself; self-esteem."

From my personal experience this definition is the one that suits most people I know.
Most of them get their "EGO BOOST" from others, and I'm not saying they ask for it, but some sure CAN'T live without it. It's almost like there's no purpose of "being" if there's no one there to give them their so-called "V V" (Vanity Vitamin). The funny part is that they'll deny it till the day they die, but I've seen it happen plenty of times, insecure people wearing this external masks,acting like they are the Kings of every party, acting like they don't give a flying fuck about me and you, acting like "my mom always said I was special therefore I am"...but have you seen them without their daily those of "V V"? I have!!! And I must say I still liked them, the thing was that they didn't know how to act,and they didn't feel special anymore,because nobody acknowledged them.

Sad , isn't it?

I've seen it get in the way of friendships, relationships etc...and it's usually about a person who needs to be acknowledged for what they do,or the way they look like and someone else doesn't really care to always recognize that.
Believe it or not some folks are really addicted to "V V", and they go on this delusional ego-trips .They elevate themselves to levels never seen before, only to go home look in the mirror and see that its only a facade ...they feel empty as empty can be.


Ego should come from within, you should be able to Validate yourself and get your Ego Boost from YOU! Because after all it's what diferentiates us from each other. Physical Bullshit shouldn't count so much for it,ok it helps but how about all the rest???cuz in the end in order to be complete there's your body (external) and there's your Soul (internal). One doesn't go without the other and your Ego needs this two components to form itself...

Choose wisely the one you want to use in a higher percentage. Only you can judge yourself in that matter, but we're all on the lookout...

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Material Show-Off VS. Emotional Show-Off


People have this way of showing off their material posessions and that scares me a lot!
It's all about who has the hottest girlfriend, who has the most expensive watch, who bought more bottles for the table, who hangs out with the coolest crew, who got the latest invention from Mac...it's all about seeing and being seen. When did it become normal and acceptable to be like that? Was I asleep that day? I believe I didn't get the memo...
If only we could show off our emotions instead of the same ol' materialist bullshit.
Imagine a World where people are so "rich" in personality and character that it just shows in their skin, in their voice,in their aura, and then the "competition" would be about who helped the most people, who has the biggest and bravest heart...a World where people strived to be the best they could be and just awarded others with compassion.
While I wait for that day to come I'll start practicing in my own environment,who knows? Maybe I'll start a trend that sticks around forever...

Thursday, May 6, 2010

F


Up there in her Mountain she felt Free,she could breathe all the Clean Air she wanted. And one day someone knocked oh her door,she didn't even bat an eyelash...The next day,same thing at the same time... once again she didn't move. On the third day the knock turned into a bang,she stood completely frozen,not because she was afraid but because she knew better than to ever open that door again.On the 4th day with the door banging came a voice crying out her name,once again she was completly unfazed.
On the 10th day of loud banging and calling out her name,she slid a note under the door that said : " I don't live here anymore...I don't want to know,and I don't want to see...don't you ever bother me!"*

* inspired in the song "sick of you" by Iggy Pop * the stooges

Monday, May 3, 2010

Some people...

I look around and I see happy faces,some people really seem to have it ALL.

Some people dance
Some people sing
Some people jump
Some people do charity
Some people listen to music
Some people write
Some people are creative
Some people draw
Some people smile
Some people are enlightened
Some people work hard
Some people study
Some people learn
Some people teach
Some people just are...


And you? What do you do to be Happy?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Monday, April 26, 2010

Dog Days Are Over- Florence & The Machine

Happiness hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with her drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
Because here they come

And I never wanted anything from you
Except everything you had and what was left after that too, oh
Happiness hit her like a bullet in the head
Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
Because here they come

Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Smile...


Room filled with smoke, room full of people, the music's blasting , the bodies are sweaty , glasses are being filled with the Devil's juice, and then you see her. You see her not because she's stunning,not because you want to talk to her...you see her because she's smiling.
You can tell that the ilusions are gone,and she doesn't expect anything...she lives for Today and what could be more attractive than that?
You crave her attention, but she doesn't play those games...Did she just look at you and smiled? Not only with her lips,but also with her eyes and Soul.
Slowly you go closer to her,but there's too many people in the way . It's almost like she has a magnet that no one can ignore.
You feel bold tonight so you touch her back because you want to be noticed,she looks you in the eyes,and then you kiss her hand. She instantly felt the winds of change,and this time...her heart smiled too.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Staring Girl- by Tim Burton


"I once knew a girl
who would just stand there and stare.
At anyone or anything
she seemed not to care
She'd stare at the ground,
She'd stare at the sky.
She'd stare at you for hours,
and you'd never know why.
But after winning the local staring contest,
she finally gave her eyes
a well-deserved rest."

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Forever 27 Club....

The 27 Club, also occasionally known as the Forever 27 Club or Club 27, is a name for a group of influential rock and blues musicians who all died at the age of 27, sometimes under mysterious circumstances.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/27_Club

Friday, April 16, 2010

Chocolate Mag






Nothing on You- B.O.B

everywhere i go i'm always hearing your name (name, name)
and no matter where i'm at girl you make me wanna sing (sing.sing)
whether a bus or a plane or a car or a train
no other girls on my brain and you the one to blame

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PTDv_szmL0

Freebird -by Lynyrd Skynyrd

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be travelling on, now,
'Cause there's too many places I've got to see.
But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.

Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
Though this feeling I can't change.
But please don't take it badly,
'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame.
But, if I stayed here with you girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.
Lord help me, I can't change.


I HATE FREEBIRDS! FUCK Y'ALL FREEBIRDS OF THE WORLD!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

if a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. if he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

◊ if a man is into you, nothing will keep him from seeing you or contacting you.
◊ stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
◊ allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
◊ stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
◊ slower is better.
◊ never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
◊ if a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends.” a friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
◊ do not settle. if you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
◊ don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” you’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
◊ the only person you can control in a relationship is you. always have your own set of friends separate from his.
◊ maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. if something bothers you, speak up.
◊ never let a man know everything. he may use it against you later.
◊ you can not change a man’s behavior; change comes from within.
◊ and NEVER borrow someone else’s man.
◊ oh lord ! if he cheated with you, he will cheat on you !
◊ a man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
◊ all men are NOT dogs.
◊ you should not be the one doing all the bending… compromise is a two-way street. you need time to heal between relationships… there is nothing cute about baggage… deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
◊ you should never look for someone to COMPLETE you, a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals… look for someone complimentary… not supplementary.
◊ dating is fun… even if he doesn’t turn out to be mr. right.
◊ make him miss you sometimes… when a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
◊ don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. keep him in your radar but get to know others.

- oprah

Alive -by Pearl Jam

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qM0zINtulhM

Son, she said, have I got a little story for you
What you thought was your daddy was nothin' but a...
While you were sittin' home alone at age thirteen
Your real daddy was dyin', sorry you didn't see him, but I'm glad we talked...
Oh I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey, I, I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey...oh...
Oh, she walks slowly, across a young man's room
She said I'm ready...for you
I can't remember anything to this very day
'Cept the look, the look...
Oh, you know where, now I can't see, I just stare...
I, I'm still alive
Hey I, but, I'm still alive
Hey I, boy, I'm still alive
Hey I, I, I, I'm still alive, yeah
Ooh yeah...yeah yeah yeah...oh...oh...
Is something wrong, she said
Well of course there is
You're still alive, she said
Oh, and do I deserve to be
Is that the question
And if so...if so...who answers...who answers...
I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, but, I'm still alive
Yeah I, ooh, I'm still alive
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

I Don't Want To Fight - Tina Turner

THERE'S A PALE MOON IN THE SKY
THE KIND YOU MAKE YOUR WISHES ON
LIKE THE LIGHT IN YOUR EYES
THE ONE I BUILD MY DREAMS UPON
IT'S NOT HERE ANY LONGER
SOMETHING HAPPENED SOMEWHERE AND WE BOTH KNOW WHY
BUT ME I'M GETTING STRONGER
WE MUST STOP PRETENDING
I CAN'T LIVE THIS LIE

I DON'T CARE WHO'S WRONG OR RIGHT
I DON'T REALLY WANNA FIGHT NO MORE
TOO MUCH TALKING BABE
LET'S SLEEP ON IT TONIGHT
I DON'T REALLY WANNA FIGHT NO MORE
THIS IS TIME FOR LETTING GO

I HEAR A WHISPER IN THE AIR
THAT SIMPLY DOESN'T BOTHER ME
BOY, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I DON'T CARE
OR ARE YOU LOOKING RIGHT THROUGH ME
IT SEEMS TO ME THAT LATELY (SEEMS TO ME THAT LATELY)
YOU LOOK AT ME THE WRONG WAY AND I START TO CRY
COULD IT BE THAT MAYBE (COULD IT BE THAT MAYBE)
THIS CRAZY SITUATION IS THE REASON WHY

I DON'T CARE WHO'S WRONG OR RIGHT
I DON'T REALLY WANNA FIGHT NO MORE
TOO MUCH TALKING BABE
DON'T CARE NOW WHO'S TO BLAME
I DON'T REALLY WANNA FIGHT NO MORE
THIS IS TIME FOR LETTING GO

HANGING ON TO THE PAST
IT ONLY STANDS IN OUR WAY
WE HAVE TO GROW FOR OUR LOVE TO LAST
BUT WE JUST GREW APART

OH DON'T WANNA HURT NO MORE
BUT BABY DON'T YOU KNOW
NO, I DON'T WANNA HURT NO MORE...
TIRED OF ALL THESE GAMES
THIS TIME I'M WALKING BABE

p.s-the 2 last verses...do I need to say more?

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

To you...

I saw exactly what you think I saw...well it's been a while,and you know when I feel entitled to do something there's no Stopping me. Why did I keep thinking that you were better than that? For some reason you attract people like that into your life,but that one!? Are you serious? Did you enjoy the pictures she sent you? Well don't flatter yourself darling, it was to you and God knows how many more. Even when you had a Gem,you always prefered a lifeless hard rock...so, I release you! Go ahead! Be average, be one more in this common World, I wish you look in the mirror,and see what I used to see in you. Because these eyes have been fixed with the help of a broken heart.

To click or not to click? That's the question....

Sky- Fly

I saw a little bit of sky on land.I was flying so,so high I looked down and there it was!
At first I couldn't believe it , I opened my eyes so, so wide and saw a little bit of heaven in that sky.
Could it be real,was it real? Yes! I felt like I almost could touch it,but once again I was flying so,so high with wide open eyes and I couldn't be bothered to land and ask it what was it doing there,real or fake what difference does it make?
Ilusion or solution? Oh boy! The point is...I'M FLYING!

Friday, April 9, 2010

Life

'Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,
so love the people who treat you right,
forget about the ones who don't,
and believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, take it.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy,
they just promised it would be worth it.'

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

wake up...

wake up and tell me it was a nightmare,wake up and make me a bacon,egg and cheese on a bagel the way I like it....sprinkle it with pepper and if you're feeling creative put some oregano on it so I can bitch at you and say " sometimes u don't have to go the extra mile...simple is good", lets do nothing,lets stay on the couch the whole day,let's go skateboard ,laugh at me cuz I'm scared to jump on the sidewalk even though you KNOW I can do it if I really try,hold me!have you notice how we never hold each other anymore?I hate that!How could we forget the "hug recipe"?A hug a day keeps the separation away! let's go to the supermarket,and when we get to the cashier and it's time to pay say "damn,I forgot to get the most important thing" then I'll proceed to yell at you and say "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS TO ME?" let's go home watch some crap tv with me even though you hate it,invite me to go to the movies...you never did it...i know I'm not a movie person,but I'll give you an A for effort,the night time is coming,please make it go away...please...."Darling time to go to bed and to sleep" "NO! I don't want to!" "But you must..you know I'm not here...the nightmare is reality...I'm not here,and no one is next to you.It's just you and you!Just ike you like it!" -"Please take me to another movie...and let me pick !Please..." Wake up.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Past Time Paradise-Stevie Wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=840uku8_T4Q

They've been spending most their lives
Living in a pastime paradise
They've been spending most their lives
Living in a pastime paradise
They've been wasting most their lives
Glorifying days long gone behind
They've been wasting most their days
In remembrance of ignorance oldest praise
Tell me who of them will come to be
How many of them are you and me

Dissipation
Race Relations
Consolation
Segregation
Dispensation
Isolation
Exploitation
Mutilation
Mutations
Miscreation
Confirmation.......to the evils of the world

They've been spending most their lives
Living in a future paradise
They've been spending most their lives
Living in a future paradise
They've been looking in their minds
For the day that sorrow's gone from time
They keep telling of the day
When the Savior of love will come to stay
Tell me who of them will come to be
How many of them are you and me

Proclamation of Race Relations
Consolation
Integration
Verification of Revelations
Acclamation
World Salvation
Vibrations
Simulation
Confirmation.......to the peace of the world

They've been spending most their lives
Living in a pastime paradise
They've been spending most their lives
Living in a pastime paradise
They've been spending most their lives
Living in a future paradise
They've been spending most their lives
Living in a future paradise
We've been spending too much of our lives
Living in a pastime paradise

Let's start living our lives
Living for the future paradise
Praise to our lives
Living for the future paradise
Shame to anyones lives
Living in a pastime paradise

Leaving on a Jet Plane-John Denver

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breaking
This early morning
The taxi's waiting, he's blowing his horn
I'm ready, I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'd wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
But I am now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go I think of you
Ever song I sing I sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'd wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Well now the time has come to leave your
One more time now let me kiss you
Close your eyes and I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alote
About the times that I won't have to say

Oh kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'd wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

But I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

But I'm leaving on a jet plane
Leaving on a jet plane

In Vino Veritas....


...

Friday, April 2, 2010

Is it possible?


After months and months of roaming around,getting a new brain,a new wardrobe,multiple hairstyles, a new smile, new Soul,she came front to front with those sad eyes...she had seen them before,many,many times actually,but this time something is different.She is different.

Before,when she tried to look in those eyes,all she saw was the pain she went through,all the bad moments,all the rage,bitterness,jealousy,mostly negativity...but that was then...Now, she sees the pain she created,a lost Soul,a wandering person and most of all someone who didn't change.

She asked me "Is it possible to be back at square one?" I didn't know what to say to her. Everything is possible in this Life...impossible is nothing. "What's square one?" - I asked her. "WHAT'S SQUARE ONE???" -she yelled,"SQUARE ONE IS THIS SHITTY FEELING I HAVE,IT'S ....IT'S THIS HOLE IN MY SOUL,IT'S THIS ..."she started crying and lowering her voice "...it's this ,this pain I have in my heart when I look in those sad eyes." She surprised me...is it possible that she finally understood I suffered too?

He looks shocked,is this good or bad? "Don't you have anything to say?"-I angrily ask him! "First off all,STOP CRYING! I ABSOLUTELY HATE TO SEE YOU LIKE THAT,AND YOU KNOW IT!" Wow...it's been a while since he spoke so passionately to me,wait he looks distraught now, oh shit he just punched the wall and his fist is bleeding..."There's not a lot to say...I'm sorry.I believe we said it all."-he tells me in a cold tone."But there are still so many things that can be said and many new realities to create,aren't you curious after all this time?...WAIT!WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I'M TALKING TO YOU!DON'T LEAVE ME HERE AGAIN!WAIT!!!" -I yelled and yelled but nothing stopped him from walking away and leaving me here, talking to myself.

He headed North that night,only there he could find the peace he needed to restore his Soul and try to figure out why it took her that long to admit she was wrong too.She stayed exactly where she was,when in pain she couldn't move and she could barely breathe,so she remained exactly where he left her,thinking how could she have been so blind to not see he was Human too.


Should I call her? Should I walk away from him? Does she still love me? Will he ever forgive me? Why did I yell at her? Could I have loved him more? I miss her smile. I miss his silly laugh. It would never be the same. Change can be good. Would she be able to forget? I want a new beggining! Is this love? I don't want to take risks. I like being alone but I miss her. I love my life as it is,but with him...

They had all these questions in their minds,but life kept going, the clock kept ticking, the Sun kept Rising,and one day they became total strangers...NO.It was not that simple. They never became total strangers, they loved each other like there was no tomorrow, but they never had a chance to tell each other...guess why? Because there was no such thing as tomorrow, Life was and is Today...but it was/is a little to late for them.

sooner or later

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCnV6uRva7k&feature=fvst

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Maybe...


She couldn't afford the trip back in time...It was way too expensive. The price to pay? Her Heart! Since she just recovered it she decided to keep it and not risk it...all she could do was to fantasize,and she did.

She imagined Him saying all the right words to her,and giving her hugs&kisses when she needed them,loving her unconditionaly and to promise her that it was forever and ever. She also saw herself as a better person,and not making the same mistakes she once has,she was way warmer and not afraid to live and love! They were both secure in the Love they shared and nothing could break their bond.

She opened her eyes and realized she had the most important part,the unconditional Love and an unbreakable bond...she would never have the phisical part again but at least she had Her Heart in one piece.

Did she want the trip back in time? NO! She wanted the Present!And that Present would become a bright Future... with her Heart empty but in one piece.

Delicious!


If life gives you lemons...EAT THEM! Cuz they are delicious!

Home is where the heart is PART II

Today I woke up with an achy feeling in my chest,and I know exactly what it is. Like "E.T GO HOME"-"A.S GO HOME" I MISS NYC!!!! I miss my so-called routine,I miss my friends and most of all I miss my apartment!

I like being in Lisbon with my family and friends...but still...I know I belong there.

And with this in mind,the countdown starts...less than a week to go.

I had a lovely time here,specially because I had low expectations,LOL. I saw tons of friends,I worked,and I had fun!

I'm still here and a lot can happen in a couple of days,so...let's see if I'm gonna be surprised by Life...I sure hope so. =)

Scent

I love to smell like you...

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Pain.


It is very sad to come to the realization that you´ve hurt someone...It hurts to hurt,specially when you realize it a little to late. I have hurt someone...it was not on purpose ,I thought I was right at the time but I wasn´t.

I had no idea I could cause that much pain on a person,that´s a huge flaw I have...the dificulty to put myself in the other person´s skin,and now that I finally did it,I feel terrible and I apologized.

I´ve been hurt too,so I should know better and not do it...but as I usually say "Living & Learning".

I hate this feeling,so I have to step away from who I hurted and make peace with myself.

I hope I never hurt anyone again.It sucks.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

I L..... YOU!

This day was full of surprises...it day started with thorns and its ending up on a very surprising note!

An hour ago,a boy said to me " Sofia I like you!I've been wanting to say this to you for the past 5 years."- Can everybody imagine my shock? (by the way I know the boy is reading this,but this is a public blog so... =P )

Well ,I was shocked because nobody has said that to me for the past 4 years(except the person I was with),and quite honestly I didn't know how to react,but I was honored,because the "boy" is a great person (yes,you are!)

When I was a teen ,it used to be so easy to say "I like you" to someone,and I used to hear it quite often (ahahahahahah),but while I was on a relationship I didn't let anyone come close to me enough to say it. I'm used to being the funny one and the friend not the "object of affection", I guess it's time for me to open my eyes and see who "likes me", I'm curious to know what they "like" ...because for me it's kind of funny to be in this position,funny in a sweet way!

Wow...I'm so not "likable" in that way...ahahahah! If only the "boy" knew!

But Thanks for making a probably "neutral day",into a "funny in a sweet way" day! Am I rambling? See? That's what happens when I'm liked,I acted weird! ahahahahahah!

Oh well! =D

A flower is still a flower...


I remembered the song "A rose is still a Rose" by Aretha Franklyn, and I want to hence this part:

"See a rose is still a rose
Baby, girl, you're still a flower
He can't lead you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Darlin', you hold the power

Let your life be in the sunshine
Not the darkness of your sorrow
You may see your all today
but new love will come tomorrow"

Sometimes I feel like a blooming yellow rose,with HUGE THORNS!!!and to get close to me,people will get bloody hands. I'm the kind of Woman, that is not possible to tame at all. And if you try you may get bloody hands, a very bloody brain and heart. muahaahahahah! =D

The Tower of the Power


"The Tower of the Power goes up to the Sky,feel free to try to climb it,destroy it,praise it...you won't suceed" -I wrote a text when I was 17 that started like that,I lost it in NYC,BLAH!!!! But I never forgot how it started,even thought at the time I wasn't writing about something specific,actually I was on a plane and I looked to the control tower and got inspired...but as the text developed I felt like I was writing about someone,and today I chose that someone to be me!

I feel so empowered each day that goes by,I am in control of my actions I do what I want ,when I want it! I am the boss of me,other peoples actions don't get under my skin like before,I watch it happen,think about it and go on about my life. How wonderful!!!

I'm not obsessed with anyone,I dont have any addictions, my health is great,and good thins are coming my way,so for probably the first time in my life I feel BALANCED.

I can get used to this feeling =D

Thanks to those who are there for me ,everyday and every second,I love u forever!!!

p.s -Promise I.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Trust Issues.

Lately I came to the sad realization that I trust people a little bit too much.And then some of this people end up TRYING to fuck me over. Why are people like that? Trying to use my life against me? What do they get from this?The pleasure of betraying a "so-called"friend?

Truth always comes up...sooner or later,no one can run away from it.

Actually "THANK YOU" for teaching me this amazing lesson,my godmother always told me to speak to the walls,because the walls won't tell your secrets to anyone! Wow...was she right,or what?

To "these" people I have one thing to say: Even though you were a motherfucker to me,I will keep your secrets and treasure the great moments we had,and will still have,because guess what? You don't know that I know what you did,and you'll read this and be like "hmmmm....is she talking about me?" yes I am, I'll keep you in my life. Will I trust you again? NO.

Another day,another lesson. A good one by the way.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Now

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIIxlgcuQRU&feature=fvst

I love this song!the first time I heard it was 16 years ago in the car of an old friend of mine,and this song defenitly takes me to Amazing places in my mind =)

I was thinking today, how things only affect you if you let them get to you.if you either ignore it or make peace with it (and by making peace I mean just let it be) it will not get you not even 0.5% . As most of my friends know,I'm a very impulsive gal!ahahaha! And this has gotten me in MAJOR trouble with none other than myself,so I didn't lose my impulsive side at all,I just know how to "manage" the timings better. So when people are investing their time in trying to make you miserable, just pray that they transform that energy in something positive and invest it on themselves, I always try to show them how to do it,but they just hate me more for knowing better! ahahahahahah! How lovely?

Is it weird being 23 and not being in love with someone other than myself??? I gave it some thought,and I want to believe that I'm normal (even though I know I'm not). Most people I know go to bed thinking about that someone special,even if they're not in a relationship they like someone or want to be with someone,not me...it's not that I desperately want to be or don't want to be,I'm just analyzing myself and coming to that NEUTRAL conclusion.

Speaking of desperate....uhuhuhuhuh! should I or should I not? hmmm,here comes the impulsive side!!! damn...I really can't control it this time,I'm sorry y'all,it wouldn't be me if I shut my mouth observing something so obvious! DESPERATE PEOPLE TAKE DESPERATE MEASURES,and I love to see them falling down of their pedestal, trying to provoke the Mortals,and when they don't succeed they see how fucking ridiculous they are,and you can see the hate in their eyes....when you see this hate, show them Love! Be the image of what you want to see in the World....who knows? You may inspire someone...someone who's desperate to be Loved!

p.s-try to see this text not as an effect or a reaction,but only as me showing you my state of mind and how I feel.some people chose not to talk about things,but to me that's not an option.

=)

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Rare Pictures...

Johnny and his niece
Bruce Lee
Francis Ford Coppola
Yoko Ono,Andy Wahrol and John
Norma Jean
David Bowie
Che
Gia Carangi
Kurt & Frances
Marlon Brando
Michael Jackson
Bob Marley
Adolf Hitler

Lovers & Friends

Bonnie & Clyde
Johnny Depp & Winona Ryder
Marilyn Monroe & JFK
Jerry Hall & Mick Jagger

Upgrade



I decided to give myself an Upgrade, I won't kiss anymore frogs in hopes they will become princes, from now on I'll kiss fish,in hopes they're fish! Meaning that I won't kiss something hoping it will transform itself in something better,If I want a Prince I have to kiss a Prince!Period!

I'm not looking for anything NOW,I'm enjoying my availability to myself,and to my life,but when the time comes and the perfect situation presents itself I'll accept the person as they are...and if I don't like 'em,I won't lose my time neither theirs. Time is Precious...timing is Everything!

Do Better,Know Better! =)

Massive Destruction



Stop Talking About it!...Look at what I've done! =P I guess it's healthy to destroy objects once in a while. (March 16th)

How lovely?

Against All Odds.

Against all odds she was born.

Against all odds she made it through school.

Against all odds someone helped her.

Against all odds she became a soldier.

Agains all odds she didn't play by the rules.

Against all odds she kissed a boy.

Against all odds she conquered her demons.

Against all odds her heart got broken.

Against all odds she recovered.

Against all odds she got a life.

Agains all odds she saw their behavior and didn't judge.

Against all odds she smiled.

Agains all odds she's alive.

Against all odds she will win.

And she wants you to take a good look at her...and against all odds walk way.

(inspired in the song "against all odds" by Phill Collins,the context is different though) =)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Inspiring quotes,etc

We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals; others, by their acts. ~Harold Nicolson

Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

What you are comes to you.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Well done is better than well said. ~Benjamin Franklin

Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold - but so does a hard-boiled egg. ~Author Unknown

Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement. ~Alfred Adler

"Actions speak louder than words"

"Who needs action ,when you got words?" -Meat Puppets

Moi



photos by Artur Cabral and Salvador Colaco